Saturday, November 21, 2009

Article for sharing

Just wanna share a very thoughtful article with you guys.

圓缺

星洲日報/副刊‧作者:李永業 2009.10.09

8月15,夜空中,一輪明月高掛。溫柔的月光灑在地面上,提燈籠滿街逛的小男孩,望皎潔的明月,腦海不斷冒起很多、很多“外國月亮是否比較圓”的問號。那一晚,小孩雙手合十,對月亮仙子許願。那一年,是1979年,小孩才10歲。

1986年8月28日,農曆7月23,距離下一個中秋,還有21天。長大後的小男孩不再提燈籠,來不及在家鄉欣賞第17年的中秋的那輪明月,他迫不及待離開家鄉,朝那外國月亮比較圓的傳說追尋去。

原來,10歲那年,小孩許的願,月亮仙子聽到了……

1986年的中秋,我在英國

第一年到英國留學,我問長久居住在英國的姑姑,我們的中秋節要如何慶祝?姑姑說,英國的華人,沒有慶中秋的風俗。她說,入秋後的英國經常下大雨刮大風,所以,英國的中秋看不到美麗的月亮,只有一輪缺乏溫暖的月光。

我當時不明白姑姑的話,我只想看英國的月亮美不美而已。當晚,姑姑陪我在花園看月亮。那晚的月 亮,朦朦朧朧的。而姑姑的心事,躲在月亮的背後。無論月亮多皎潔,她看到的卻是月亮背後的陰影……姑姑出生於40年代,那是日軍侵佔馬來亞的年代。她在那 期間出世,祖父卻隨後與世辭別,祖母靠女紅的活兒來扶養10個小孩,日子過得實在苦。

別人建議她把小女兒送給人做童養媳,也有人說,小姑出世以來不曾為家人帶來過好運,所以應把姑姑送給別人借以轉運。結果姑姑在流言蜚語下成為犧牲品,她被祖母送給當地一戶窮人家領養了。

幸好,姑姑的養父養母是戶好心人,允許姑姑回去探望自己的親生母親,可是,祖母一直固執地認為,姑姑已送給別人了就不應該再回來。因此,每次姑姑回家總是被祖母趕走,還不讓姑姑喚她一聲媽媽。

我想,那數十年來,她們倆母女一定活得很痛苦。每年中秋,7個姑姑都會回來陪祖母過節,小姑卻是唯一回不了家過節的女兒。

姑姑當時認為自己唯一可做的事,就是努力讀書,後來,她考獲獎學金到英國唸護理專科時,曾經回過來想探望母親,但祖母依舊拒絕姑姑──我的姑姑,始終被家的那一堵牆給隔絕在外。

在英國生活了21年,我終於決定要回家了。我和姑姑度過我在英國最後一次的中秋節時,她說:“這些年來你應該發覺到,全世界的月亮都是一樣的美,至於溫暖與否,在於你的家、你的根在哪裡?如今你要回到孕育你的土地去,我祝福你重拾家庭溫暖,而我,卻太遲了……”

腐敗、封建的中華傳統思想,囚困了很多人的生命;姑姑的根,就是因此而被斬斷了。然而,即使姑姑與故鄉的距離是那麼遙遠,但在她的記憶裡頭,故鄉的月亮,始終是最圓、最溫暖的。

我終於明白,即使夜空中的月亮多皎潔,它在姑姑眼裡,始終圓缺

2007年的中秋,我在馬來西亞

望祖國的月亮,我回味起小時候期待中秋節看月亮的緊張心情。生長在傳統的華人社會家庭,父母親一直認為,家人平安生意好是神祇保佑,所以,無論任何節日都要拜神。

中秋節當天,父母親一定會準備很多食物。晚上就擺滿一桌子的食物來拜月亮,父親還說:“月亮出來了,快許願。”還在唸書的我,每年都許下“讓我考很多A”的願望。

拜過月亮,全家人和食物一起移到屋後,把桌子椅子擺在水溝旁吃東西。父親也邊吃邊和我們說中秋的故事,他希望我們記住中秋要團圓的意義。

不過節時,母親也會拉我到廟宇去拜神。我並不迷信,但卻也不敢冒犯,因為我擔心得罪神明,成績會考不好。

每次去神廟,我都很反感。母親為我求的,都是下籤,再不,就是下下籤。扶乩時,乩童對母親說:“你這孩子很蠢,長大後也沒作為、不文不武,馬馬虎虎”。說完就用刀划破舌頭,然後用神印蘸上他的血,蓋在我衣領上說:“神會保佑你變得聰明伶俐。”

聽到乩童如是說,當時我很難過,心想:連神也看不起我,我還有甚麼機會?

輪到姐姐時,乩童就對她讚不絕口。說她是優秀的女生,前世不是武則天就是花木蘭。姐姐被讚美,並沒有離間了我們的感情,她還是很愛護我,我還是很崇拜她。

猶記得母親生病時,她才11歲。當時,父親帶母親到新加坡治病,家裡就由排行最大的姐姐來擔家。她完成所有家務事,上巴剎買菜時,為了省錢而不坐三輪車,牽我的小手走路去巴剎。

她一個小女生在巴剎挑魚、討價還價;回到家還從刮魚鱗、處理魚內臟、清洗到烹煮都耐心地教我。我覺得姐姐真的很厲害,她對我來說,就是精神支柱。

雖然人人都稱讚姐姐天資聰穎,但她的生命卻一直無法燃起燦爛的光輝。由於不是長子嫡孫,父親總是漠視她的本事。她一直很努力的表現以向父親證明,她雖為女兒身,但卻不輸男人

可是,父親看見的依舊是姐姐性別身份而已,並認為她是外嫁女,堅持不讓她管理家裡的生意。

或許西方社會給了她男女公平的待遇,她開始變得很崇洋,把華人的傳統習俗通通拋諸腦後。

我還記得小時候的中秋節早上,父親一定會帶月餅、麵線、酒和紅包,與母親和孩子一起到登嘉樓外婆家去慶賀中秋。可是,姐姐卻沒有延續中秋回家過節的傳統文化習慣。

長大後的今日,我不敢問姐姐是否無法釋懷父親當年對她的看法?抑或是生氣母親當年沒有站出來為她爭取女性的地位?又或是憎恨傳統的華人思想導致她因女兒身而被否定?

而今,姐姐和家的距離,越來越遠……我希望有一天她會回來,重新接納華人的傳統。雖然在默默為 自己爭取家中地位的那段時間,她沒有從父親身上獲得甚麼,但是,在那過程中她為自己所爭取到的,才是成長路上最豐盛的收穫。她應當為自己不曾因女兒身而否 定自己,並且努力活出女性的尊嚴而感到光榮和驕傲。

中秋當晚,舉頭望向夜空時,那輪明月,和我小時候看見的,一模一樣,可是月光下卻少了姐姐的身影。我問月光仙子,姐姐如今身在何方……30年前那站在月亮下,雙手合十許願的小男孩,如今已是兩個孩子的父親。但是,他依舊希望月亮仙子能聽到他心中的話。

BLURness

All the while blurness seems to be inseparable from me. No matter how I warn / alert / avoid myself to refrain from being blur, it's still helpless / hopeless / pointless. Today, blur is officially part of my characteristic.

I am so blur that I often (begin from the mere case to serious stuff)
  • Took the wrong buses from the same destination for N times.
  • Took the lrt from opposite side and only realized after it was 5 stops away.
  • Forgot who the person was who came to me and said hi. I just pretended to be warmth and right in my heart was thinking omfg...
  • Mistaken my friend's sister to be my friend.
  • Whacked and tickled a girl's back like what I used to do to my friend but when she turned back only I realised... shitttt.... worng person!
  • Used the laptop cooler upside down and only discovered the correct way of using after like... few months later.
  • Forgot to pay after dining.
  • Forgot to take my change after I paid.
  • Yup I lost my way all the time and I could spend one hour driving from The Curve to my house, and also spent the night touring KL.
  • Went in the wrong car, which looks exactly like my dad's car.
  • 'Misput' stuff into the wrong push cart when I was doing my grocer shopping... Only found out when the person told me so.
  • Was dining in this restaurant one day and saw this fler who resembled a guy friend of mine behind my table. So I turned behind and give him a smile but after 0.12 second only I realized... wtf wrong guy! And that guy thought I was flirting with him and was really WTF!!
  • Also 'misfollow' the guy who looks like my dad just because he resemble my dad from his back and those stuffs in his cart look like what my dad will usually get.
  • Forgotten where we parked the car and we had to search from level to level.
  • Went into the gents toilet but didn't realized until I saw a guy peeing in the urine tub... We were looking into each others eye, thinking... who's fault is this... and I glared at him fiercely before I headed off.
The list still goes on. Peepz, please update me if I miss out the 'essence of blurness' so I could keep the list goes on and on and on... Muahahahahaha~~

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What i really wan now

Really have no mood to blog these days... Gotta write something coz Ting Ting asked me to update.

I wish...

I could go invisible
I could disappear
I wanna club
I wan loud music
I wan alcohol
I wanna get tipsy
I wanna live in the dark
I wanna be happy getting insanely stupid
I wanna escape
I wanna break through this circle
I wanna get rid of wat's with me
I could care less
I wish i dun hafta do wat I'm doin rite now
I wish I could stay in bed
I wanna go for coffee
I wanna hang out and party and doing nothing
I wanna swear
I wanna live alone

Ok i'm not extremely emo just feel like scribbling here.
I wish i could tell ya rite ur face that u suck!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Cupcake fever!

Check out these cute little cupcakes accessories!!


Omg! Look at the miniature mold!! That's what my mum used to put ingredient mixture to bake cupcakes or muffins!

I always wanted a necklace like this, with that kinda material, not sure what's called but came across it when I was doing my shopping in The Curve but the kiosk has discontinued their business.


Juicy Couture's cupcake earings that melted every girl's heart.


Nice to see, oppss.... don't bite it!


I can't resist to this bling bling stuff! I had a bling necklace with semi-precious stones once but those diamante tend to get missing easily, and also hard to replace!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Cologne Cathedral

德国的科隆天主教堂,
相传是离上帝最近的圣地。

让人惊叹的宏伟建筑

高157米,相等于100个我的高度。
耗费了超过600年时间建筑,
在第二次世界大战时的严重损坏,
经历了70次的炮弹攻击,
全赖临时的砖结构加固逃脱倒塌的命运。

教堂的钟声,
信徒的祈祷,
让人们最清晰地听到上帝的祝福声。

Thursday, October 8, 2009

鞋子爱情观

选男人,好比选一双好鞋。
对的鞋,让你走更长远的路。
适合的男人,伴你走过人生高低潮。

靴子
好看但只能维持一个冬季。
夏天换季把它随手扔进鞋柜。
幸运的话还可偶尔现身,
否则常年被雪藏,永不超生。
男:好听叫凯仔,难听系笨七
女:骑牛揾马者

名牌鞋子
担心衬到晚装但不搭发型。
穿上它都有几分压力。
摆在门外又怕被人偷走。
昂贵损脚又不肯拱手相让。
皆因面子有关也肥水不流外人田。
男:有钱佬,暴发户,金龟,何先生,李爵士
女:嫁入豪门的少奶,二奶,三太,N奶,N姨太

便宜的潮流鞋子
好看不好走,
便宜不耐穿,
打脚忍着穿,
皆因太喜欢。
男:花心箩卜,啦啦仔,靓仔无内涵
女:花痴,入世未深妹妹仔

好穿老土鞋
斯斯文文,
四四方方,
穿穿穿穿,
竟然未烂?!
男:绝种好男人,敦厚老实男,木独痴心汉
女:河东狮吼,晚娘

日本拖鞋
外表东赢,
满口日语(只会YAMATE),
识包寿司,
热爱软饭。
男:软饭王,拖鞋王,鸨公,姑爷仔
女:富婆,内心空虚芳心寂寞的女人


待续.....

Saturday, October 3, 2009

I.....

1. I learned how to play a violin because I am curious.
2. I only use my right hand to write and for chopstick.
3. I have watched 'The Sound of Music' for more than 5 times.
4. I drink water direct from tap because I am lazy.
5. I couldn't control my laughter.
6. I eat something cooked from fridge without heating, also because I am lazy.
7. I can drink a jar of long island tea, without getting drunk and still walking straight.
8. I love doing things alone, except eating alone.
9. Nyonya and Peranakan food never fail to make me nausea.
10. I believe in love at the first sight, just like someone believe the ghost does exist.
11. I wore the same uniform throughout my 5 years of high school, not that I am poor, but I've stopped growing since form 1.
12. I once gained 5kg in a week.
13. I made my piano teacher cried when I was 9.
14. My favorite subject in college is journal writing.
15. I kinda anti the orchestral concert conducted by Datuk Oxx.
16. I like creating scripts for strangers I saw outside the car window.
17. I love medium rare steak.
18. Starbucks is my second home.
19. I always have the nightmare losing my teeth.
20. I want a man not a boy who thinks he can.

Friday, October 2, 2009

My current favorite

Currently listening to Soulstice's Illusion album of 2001. Soulstice is a downtempo / trip hop group. If you are into chill out music, Soulstice might be something you'll like. It is basically a mixture of broken beat, downtempo / chill, house, soulful house, deep house, hip hop, funky house and electronic.



1. Illusion
2. Fall into you
3. Color
4. Lovely
5. Antromedia
6. Wind
7. Surrender
8. The reason
9. Not lonely
10. Tenderly
11. Changes

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Hello There!

Hello to my blog! Have been months since my last update.

After being disconnected from my blog for some time I feel that there's a need to add some cheer into it, perhaps it is still new, plain and most of all lacking of updates!

Last Wednesday Ting and I went to eye some clothing for our summer in UK. I like that tweed sooooo much and it goes so well with skinny jeans and I think it would be awesome possum with a pair of boots or converse. It keeps me warm too!


The tweed cropped jacket looks similar to this but has longer sleeves.


Ting's trench coat look cool as well! Actually I wanted to get both soooo badly but Ting said we should get one each so that we could swap clothes over there. But haihzz you know how possessive I am and how badly I wanna own both...


Similar to Ting's dream trench coat but is in dark beige.


The previous one I tried was a Zara trench coat and it doesn't turned out as nice as the first time I tried, wonder why? That best thing to shop with your best girl friend is there's always some one to contribute honest opinion, stop you from getting something fugly or unnecessary, most of ALL, being frank yet you don't feel offended.


This is the exact Zara trench coat I tried on. Looks so superb on the model.


My shop list:
  • Converse (will be substituted with something cheaper since it is meant for walking? hahaha!)
  • Birkenstock sandal (red or white? I think I like both...)
  • That blue color polka dot tube dress with a white belt which makes me exclaimed 'oh so sweet!'
  • That very cheerful floral print summer dress
  • That pink colour dress with green lining on the mannequin which makes me stopped by
  • Medium size hand held weave rattan bag in dark brown like something from Island Shop which the clerk offer me a discount
  • 4 inch high leather pump from i forgot which shop
  • Wind breaker for UK
  • Contact lens
  • A pair of new glasses
  • New hair do?
  • And the list goes on.....


I desperately need shopping.......

Ok stop the crap I need to get back to my thesis....

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Something touching

Fell in love with MYMP (Make Your Momma Proud) the Philipino acoustic band, after listening in Audrey's car last Saturday. I'm currently listening to Versions of 2005.


Track List:
1. True Colors
2. Especially For You
3. No Ordinary Love
4. Constantly
5. The Closer I Get To You
6. Whenever, Wherever, Whatever
7. For All Of My Life
8. Eternal Flame
9. Say You Love Me
10. Beauty And Madness
11. Love Moves In Mysterious Ways
12. At Your Best (You Are Loved)


My recent obsession:


Its really an awesom movie concept by relating to butterfly effect theory, one minor change could generate different (great) consequences.